Becoming a Butterfly

Well,

I don’t know what has gotten into me…

but I am going through some

ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-changes.

I quit the mall job, it was too much.  Was planning to work more at the garden center, BUT just quit that job this morning??!! 

After they told me I could work more hours, 2 days later, they said they had gotten an email from the home office, and would have to cut back the hours???  I had already changed changed my whole schedule, quit the other job, and switched trainers so I could workout in the afternoon…so I just decided…I am tired of this.   It was like that everyday.  Do this, no, don’t do that.  It was so confusing.  Just happy to be done with it.

I am going to keep the job with the Town…for now. 

More changes:  Went to counseling with my husband yesterday, and at the advice of the counselor, we are going to separate.  The counselor said it was not necessarily over, the marriage, but that we needed to be apart to work on somethings individually.   Three months at least, but more like 6…but honestly, I am not sure we will ever be able to make it together.  

Sad…and worried.  Not sure how I will afford the house alone.  I need a fulltime position.  Something that will pay the bills and that offers benefits.   I need to remember that I did it for so many years, so I can do it again!   Been applying for jobs online for the last couple of days.

My son is coming home next week.  I can’t wait to see him.  It has been over a year since I have last seen him.  The longest before that was 2 weeks at the most.  So…I am really looking forward to it, but it is bittersweet…

He won’t stay in my home, because of the issues between my husband and myself.  So he is staying with other family members.  To say it crushed my heart, is putting it mildly…but I understand.  He doesn’t like my husband because of the way he treats me…and he is right to be like that.   At one point, my husband had said he would go…and let me be here alone, so my son would visit, but now he is saying “no, it is too expensive.”

Talked to my mom today and she got a call from my son last night, and she told me they made plans for him to stay there.  It hurts. 

My focus on losing weight is gone.  The weight of the world seems to be all I can feel right now.  TOM is here…and it is just a hard time for me.  Told a friend recently that I have just given up on ever losing weight, and she said, “Then why are you still on Buddyslim?”  I don’t know.  I have lost the passion I once had for my time here.  After the weirdness…things just don’t feel the same here.  Everytime I write now, I am thinking…what is the freak going to do with this….

Sorry for the downer blog…but I am just very sad today.

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We have a winner!!!!!   This week with 7 pounds!!!!  ANGEL!!!!  Weigh 2 go girl!!!!

She won percentage wise too! 

Nancy was quickest to the draw and was the Winner of the Gimmee Five Challenge!!!

Angel           327      7            2.140672783                This week’s Biggest Loser!!!!
Bette Jo 207 2 0.966183575
Ashley 233 2 0.858369099
Katie 284 2 0.704225352
Florence 256.8 1.8 0.700934579
Nancy 150 1 0.666666667

Dorey 151 1 0.662251656
Kate 180.2 1 0.554938957
kim 202 1 0.495049505
Debbi 227.8 0.8 0.35118525
sandy 159 0 0
Tiffany 167 0 0
Patricia 181 0 0
Rebecca Dawn 224 0 0
stacey 227 0 0
Chrisie 241 -1 -0.414937759
Katie 177 -2 -1.129943503
Jenn 211 -4.5 -2.132701422
Catrina 215 -5 -2.325581395
Gina 181 -181 -100
Jo 210.3 -210.3 -100
Gabby 198

Here is our new forum to discuss the show… 

http://www.weight-loss-forums.buddyslim.com/weight-loss-challenge/4171-biggest-loser-challenge-week-5-a.html#post122348

And here is the new forum for the fitness challenge of the week!

Thanks to Mark!

http://www.weight-loss-forums.buddyslim.com/fitness-challenge/4170-biggest-loser-fitness-challenge-forum-week-5-a.html#post122345

I have decided to change/extend my hours at the garden center from 8ish-12 to 9-3.  At first 4 hours was all I could handle of the manual labor…and now it seems I can tolerate a little more..so maybe 6?   I am going to see if I can…

But unfortunately my time to train/workout is going to have to change…so I will need a new trainer (my current trainer doesn’t have time available when I am available).  I am going to miss her…  Something about her…  Like, yesterday we were talking about my binging…and she was just asking me about it, and I just started to cry.  I mean it was a cry like I couldn’t even talk…y’know one of those kinds?  Not just tearing up, but one that was like…if I start crying…I am going to sob ones.

I have been thinking, it WOULD be better to train before work.  I am so exhausted by the time I get there in the afternoon…I don’t really want to work very hard. 

I just worry that I will not be able to make it in the mornings though.  I will have to be there at 8:00am to get the training and the cardio done.  Some days I am just exhausted when I get off work at night…and getting up in the morning is very hard for me.  But…it has been a goal of mine, to be able to get up and workout before I start my day. 

The good part is…this way I could just go to my sweaty job, already hot and sweaty–no makeup–hair already up:).  It really is like getting 6 hours of cardio. 

I got on the machine that monitors our progress at the gym…and my fat % is down…so that is good.  Even though the scale still refuses to move…I know I AM building muscles! 

My manager at the garden center keeps saying…”you are really losing weight”…”I can tell”…so not true…but nice of him to say that…even if he is just buttering me up so I won’t leave…because they can’t find people that are hard workers and willing to keep the job…haha

it is still nice to hear…I suppose:)

Working today from 8-1 at the community center, and then 1-6 at the cultural arts center.  Then I hope I am off.  Need a night to get some housework done!   And then relax.

Husband is better…just groggy from the pain meds.  Thanks to everyone that commented and prayed for him!  Blessings!

This morning, my husband got up and complained that he was hurting in his lower abdomen, on the left side.  The pain intensified and he ended up on his knees with his head on the couch.  He was in so much pain.  I was watching him, trying to figure out what to do.  Asking him, “Do you want me to take you to the hospital?”–When all of a sudden…he said…I think I am going to pass out.  

The next thing I knew he fell back…hit his head hard on the floor…   He made some horrible sounds…and then silence.  His eyes were wide open, he was not breathing, and his whole body was cold and clammy.  I called 911.

He came to not long after that…but was very disoriented.

The EMT came in and took him to the hospital.  I met him there, but by the time I did, he was feeling better.  Thank God.

They did a CAT scan of the area and determined it was a Kidney stone.  They could see it in his bladder.  They could also see a couple more in his kidneys.

We were sent home with some prescriptions and a screener to see if he can catch it to have it analyzed by a lab.  

Hoping that when that thing does come out, it doesn’t hurt him again!

It was draining.  And afterwards I had a mini binge.  Fear, anxiety, stress…my usual triggers…   We were both so exhausted we took a nap…woke up feeling a little sick to my stomach.

Just grateful it is over…and he is ok.  

He said when he was out, he said he went to a very peaceful place and there were colors that were more beautiful than he has ever seen.  He is convinced he may have gone to heaven.  He said he did not want to come back when he was there. 

Watching the 2nd half of the show…and it is so sad.  What a cool thing to see this man sacrifice for his wife.  So precious!  He also looked incredible and soooooo different!  Amazing…

Inspiring…

http://www.nbc.com/The_Biggest_Loser/video/clips/heba-and-ed/640969/

AND they are from Raleigh, NC…about 10 mins from my town…and where I was born:)

Woopwoop!  Go Orange!

I had to work last night and my feet were still tired…aching actually.

So, this morning I called my Garden Center job and asked if they REALLY needed me and they said…”no…just rest.”  Was supposed to work tonight and got a call from the mall job and they said they had too many employees for tonight, so they wanted to know if I wanted to be off.   Reconsidering the job, wondering if I will stay.  It is VERY hard on my feet…and makes for a REALLY long day.

So…I got to rest!!!!!   Yeah!!!!   Isn’t that wonderful when you want something and you get it?  I love it when that happens. 

Still went to the Art Center and worked a little while, so that was good…and I still have to go out and do some marketing for them (going to wear my tennis shoes!).  But it was great to get some rest…and work sitting down: )  Plus I got all the Biggest Loser stuff done!

Planning to go and get the marketing done quickly so I can get back and watch Biggest Loser…and the debate!

Congrats to all the Biggest Losers!!!!

 Regretfully…I fell below the yellow line this week…and gained 1.  But feeling ok considering all the junk I ate this week! 

BIGGEST LOSER pound wise and percentage too!!!!!  for Week 3!!!!!

We lost almost 35 pounds as a group!!!!!

Great job everyone!

Name             current weight            pounds lost        percentage

stacey             227                                4.8                   0.021145374
Julie 251 4 0.015936255
kim 203 4 0.019704433
Katie 175 3.2 0.018285714
Catrina 210 3 0.014285714
Debbi  228.6 2.4 0.010498688
Kate 181.2 2.4 0.013245033
Dorey 152 2 0.013157895
Steph 236 1.4 0.005932203
Lisa 285 1 0.003508772
stacey 230 1 0.004347826
Joy 217 1 0.004608295
sandy 159 1 0.006289308
Nancy 151 1 0.006622517
Yarrow 144 1 0.006944444
Jo 209.5 0.5 0.002386635
Jenn 206.5 0.5 0.002421308
Ashley 235 0 0
Bette Jo 209 0 0
Katie 286 0 0
Nicole 242 0 0
Patricia 181 0 0
Rebecca Dawn 224 0 0
Tiffany 167 0 0
Lisa 195.2 -0.2 -0.00102459
Lori 241.3 -0.5 -0.002072109
Chrisie 240 -1 -0.004166667
Greta 270 -2 -0.007407407
Angel 334 -3 -0.008982036
Florence 258.6 -3.1 -0.011987626

Looks like some will be missing the show because of the debates! 

We will have to watch it online…and meet up in the forum to discuss it!

Have a GREAT DAY!!!!

Ok…is it just me, or is anyone else out there having problems binging lately?  Do you think it is all the halloween candy EVERYWHERE? 

I have eaten soooo much chocolate…I am surprised I did not gain more than just a pound this week. 

It is really crazy.  Everywhere I go there is candy and it is talking….no….SCREAMING at me to come and just have one little taste.  But then I go crazy with it.  Eating way toooooooooo much.

Help! 

My challenge to everyone (especially all the biggest losers out there) is no more halloween candy.  NONE…

can we do it????  And do you have any suggestions on how I can defeat this debil?

My husband and I went to see a movie tonight, Fireproof.  It was so good.  People actually clapped after the movie.  Even the credits were sweet.

Just wanted to say to all of you that are married…or want to be, you may want to go and see it.  I believe it will be an instrument to change and heal many!

“A happy marriage has in it all the pleasures of friendships, all the enjoyment of sense and reason - and indeed all the sweets of life. - Joseph Addison

“A happy man marries the girl he loves; a happier man loves the girl he
marries.” - anonymous quote

So sorry to hear about Kama…she is so precious to all of us…one of those special people that ALWAYS is positive and uplifting.  Has only good things to say to everyone!  I was just thinking about her, and some other people on here that are just beautiful people…and then I saw the blog about her Dad.  So glad she loves the Lord and has His strength living inside of her…Thank you Lord for our friend Kama…be with her and her mom…comfort her, in Jesus’ name.

I worked today from 12:45 to 10:30 pm…but it didn’t seem like work.  It was fun…  I got to help during an event (talent show) at the Cultural Art Center.  And do marketing for them during an Art Festival.  I was in heaven.  I love living in a small town.

The Arts Council in my town is getting ready to open a building.  I showed the president some of my art work and she wanted to let me have a free booth today–to do demonstrations and show my work.  But I had to work…so I just couldn’t. 

In the new building they are opening…then will have studio space.  THAT is soooo EXCITING!!!!  I have dreamed of having a studio…and wondered where, how…when?  And it looks like it is getting closer and closer:)  I told the president that when the studio space is available, I want to be the first in line to rent a space! 

My food has been crazy…no boundaries.   Seems like the busier I get, the harder it is for me to control my food.  Still exercising, and gratefully the scale is still the same…

Have a great Sunday…remember to rest…

So then, there remains a sabbath rest for the people of God [it is available to us now]; for whoever enters God’s rest also ceases from his labors as God did from his. (Hebrews 4:9-10)