Becoming a Butterfly

And tired.

Hubby had second interview…he is nervous about it and not as hopeful.  Too corporate he says… 

He came home right about the time I got home from the hair appointment.   I went out to meet him at the car and he just looked so dissapointed in the way my hair looked and then he said something negative…

I just got sad and mad.  I always try to please him, but never feel like I can.  

I think the biggest problem is I know he always dreamt of marrying an athletic blonde girl one day with blue eyes…and I am an out of shape, fat, dark brunette with dark brown eyes…who never wanted light hair. 

Today I was trying to please him…by going lighter…He liked the photos I picked, but with what they actually did he wasn’t pleased with at all.   It wasn’t what I wanted either…

So I cried.   He has a way of making me feel incredibly inadequate…and not good enough.   Then he called the salon and demanded they fix my hair back and refund all our money.   I know he was trying to help…but it didn’t.

I liked going to the salon and hanging out with everyone.  They are nice people…but now…I will not ever go back.  I hate that…I hate that kinda thing.  I would have just let it go…and moved on…but my husband has no problem complaining and confronting.

Oh well…being married stinks sometimes. 

Actually…when I stop and think about it…it is all men.   All my life they have hurt me, rejected me, cheated on me, disapproved of me, made me feel like crap and lied to me…

I guess today…that look in my husband’s eyes brought up some stuff inside of me that still hurts.

Didn’t exercise today…was going to…but too zapped after the whole hair deal.   Just wanted to get dinner and go to bed!