Becoming a Butterfly

Having a quick breakfast, and then going down town for jury duty!

Woopie…

Got on the scale and I don’t want to even talk about it.  I didn’t get enough sleep…so I think that might be part of the problem…

I am having pains in the middle of my chest, low above my tummy…feels like a gall bladder thing….happened Sat and it was really hurting and I drank a bunch of water and it went away…woke up with it hurting again.

My husband lost his job in Dec…and hasn’t found another one yet (he isn’t really looking…please pray for him)…so we don’t have insurance. 

I will deal with it later. 

Not a lot of time to read blogs…just wanted to check in.

Have a great healthy, day full of physical activity and self care!

Blessings!!!!

Hey…that is the only good thing about TOM!

Today my weight is down 3 lbs from the beginning of the week…

13 pounds in total since May 5th–7 weeks!  I thought I’d lose more by now…but I will take what I can get: ) 

On the bmi scales, at 38 I have gone from morbidly obese…to obese.

My scale measures fat and water too…and mine was looking the best ever today.

42 % fat…when I started it was 51…which according to their chart, I have gone from obese to overweight. 

My water was also at 480, up from 325 when I first started.

I am excited, but cautious…I know that my weight can swing like this…

and knock me right out of the ball park!

I never know what it will be tomorrow!

But I do know that I am making positive changes in my life…

with a bunch of good habits to replace the bad ones!

so I am just focusing on the fact that things are looking up

…and the scale is going down…slowly but surely!!!  

Might as well learn to enjoy the ride.

Thinking about control.   Our need to do it.  To have it.  Where does it come from?   Why is it there?   To be in control.

What is it?

The definition for the word as a verb is:

The first 2 are the ones I am talking about.  What is that?  Why do we have a need to do those things? I know, when things feel out of control…I want to eat.  Why?  Why do I feel the need to eat when I feel like I am losing control?   Why in the world would I think eating would somehow bring things into order for me?

Because I CAN control food?  Because it comforts the anxiety in me that comes to the surface when things are in a turmoil?  Is it an idol in my life that I turn to…hoping it will soothe the fear in me?  Is it a drug that I am using to self medicate?  Is it the ultimate “out of control” that I can do, to prove my freedom, or exercise rebellion?  What is it…this need to control with food?

All y’all know I am a Christian…so I turn to the Word…what does it say about control and God? 

1. God is supremely in control when God limits God’s control;

2. God is sensitively in control as God grants us the gift of free will, knowing what wemay do with it;

3. God is sublimely in control when God intervenes and brings good out of evil that happens to us and around us.

I also know that:

1.       God is omnipotent – having all power;

2.       God is omnipresent – having the ability to be everywhere all the time

3.       God is omniscient – having all knowledge; and

4.       God is gracious – having all love.

There are also scriptures about trying to control:

Woe to you who strive with your Maker, Earthen vessels with the potter!  Does the clay say to the one who fashions it, “What are you making?” or “Your work has no handles”?Woe to anyone who says to a father, “What are you begetting?” or To a woman, “”With what are you in labor?”  Thus says the Lord, the Holy One of Israel, and its Maker:  “Will you question me about my children, Or command me concerning the work of my hands?” (NRSV)  

and another…

For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope.   Then when you call upon me and come and pray to me, I will hear you.  3When you search for me, you will find me; if you seek me with all your heart, I will let you find me. (Jeremiah 29:11-14a, NRSV).

God knows what He is doing and yes, He is in control.  God allows the consequences of our choices and the reality of living in this glorious yet broken world.  God intervenes in our lives to express His control in ways that move (or push: ) us toward our calling – to become like Christ.  That’s all that we need to know.  That’s it…

There is a Christian song by Twila Paris that says, “God is in control.”

This is no time for fear
This is a time for faith and determination
Don’t lose the vision here
Carried away by emotion
Hold on to all that you hide in your heart
There is one thing that has always been true
It holds the world together

God is in control
We believe that His children will not be forsaken
God is in control
We will choose to remember and never be shaken
There is no power above or beside Him, we know
God is in control, oh God is in control

History marches on
There is a bottom line drawn across the ages
Culture can make its plan
Oh, but the line never changes
No matter how the deception may fly
There is one thing that has always been true
It will be true forever

He has never let you down
Why start to worry now?
He is still the Lord of all we see
And He is still the loving Father
Watching over you and me

watching over you…watching over me..
watching over every things..
watching over you…watching over me..
every little sparrow…every little things…

So my conclusion…

Control and the need to have it, is not from God.  Worry, fear, eating compulsively…are all attempts to do something that is not part of my job description.  I need to rest in the comfort of knowing that God loves me…and is ultimately in control.  He is working all things to my good and His purposes. 

Worry is the opposite of faith, fear the opposite of trust and eating compulsively is just a substitute for feeding on His truth.  I must learn to walk by faith and trust, learn to run to Him, to his Word…feast on His goodness, for it ALONE will satisfy my hungry heart…AND I need to KNOW that no matter what happens…God is in control, He knows what is best, and He loves me deeply…better than I will or could ever love myself.

Just reading blogs and watching a little TV(…the View…don’t really like that show…some of the women are soooo obnoxious…that is all I am saying about that…back to the purpose of my blog…)

This commercial came on (for lapband) and it had overweight people saying…

If I lost the weight…

and I had a thought…wonder how my BS buddies would finish that sentence…

so I will start…

If I lost the weight,

scratch that…ok…I want to change it…already: )

WHEN I lose the weight….

I am going to go get a makeover, and have a photography session…with different clothes, poses…all that! (I’m so vain: )

ok your turn…

He is an older kitty…12 weeks or so…

It was funny, when we went to see him…I said, if he is older or a male kitty I am not going to take him home…he was both!

We are still trying to decide on the name…arghhh!

He loves to get on the piano…so I kinda want a musical name for him…my husband is liking Maestro, (Mice-tro)…better than Figaro…which I am leaning towards.  Here is a cute video with Disney’s Figaro in it and he was in Pinocchio too!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CseRpSwRcf4

Figaro was a barber in an opera (the kitty likes to play with my hair)…and he was adroit (had to look it up).  It means able to escape danger.   And he was crafty: )  Plus I love the song!

Maestro = Italian for “master.”  a title of courtesy, given, especially in Italy, to conductors, composers and directors.  Since he looks like he has a tux on and he loves the piano…AND he seems to be somewhat of a “director” around the house.

Oh well…I am sure we will decide..one day: )

Isn’t he handsome???

He got bored with the photo session: )

Seasickness is a form of motion sickness characterized by a feeling of nausea and, in extreme cases, vertigo experienced after spending time on a craft on water.^[1] It is typically brought on by the rocking motion of the craft.  

Seasickness can be a debilitating condition and can be dangerous if the sufferer has an important role to carry out, such as steering a yacht through stormy seas while avoiding rocks and other hazards.

Those suffering from seasickness who are unaccustomed to the motion of a scales often find relief by:

• keep your mind occupied with thoughts of the future joy AND your body moving with wogging and weights
• keeping their eyes directed to the fixed shore or horizon (your goal weight), where possible
• lying down on their backs and closing their eyes and PRAYING…Lord help me!!!
• move into a position where fresh air is blowing on their face / by riding a bike, or running or doing anything that requires you to propell your vessel
• moving to the boat’s center of gravity to eliminate motion due to pitch, roll and yaw –Stay focused…don’t freak out and go overboard…either way.
• taking the helm of a yacht can reduce sickness as the sufferer has something to concentrate on, and can also anticipate the movement of the vessel

These were some suggestions from Wikipedia about seasickness…I just modified it a bit…

Today, I had to get up early with the kitten…and surprise the scale went up 3 pounds…????  I went back to sleep and when I got up…it was back down 2…so just up one.  BUT still more of the PITCH, ROLL and YAW.

Still down from Monday…so that is good!

For those that don’t know, I have to weigh everyday…so I am learning the art of riding the waves!

I am so excited!!!!  Having my TOM…BUT still down 2 pounds in 2 days.  Oh yeah!  Can I get a WOOT WOOT!!!!???

I have been watching the scale go up one down one up one down one…etc for over 2 weeks!!!!!

Crazy…a true test of my ability to persevere…and walk by faith…and not give up…and not go crazy…(ok…too late for that one: )

but today, when I got up from my nap…boooooyahhhhh!  Down another pound…while I am having my TOM.   So that is a good sign!

I’m so excited, and I just can’t hide it….I’m about to lose control…and I think I like it…I LIKE it! 

who needs to go back to bed for a nap before she goes psycho (not really…just thinking about it: )

I can’t go to sleep at night ’cause the little guy cries…and then I feel guilty, get up and try to bring him into bed with me (bad idea) where he can’t stop purring LOUDLY in my ears….AND giving me kisses…everywhere…face, hands, feet…anything he can find to nuzzle…so…it is back into the bathroom.  He finally got to sleep at 4:00am…and then was up at 9:00am…so I have fed him, we went outside for just a minute…and now we are back in.  My dog just follows him around…I think he is in love…or serious lust. 

Anyway…I am tired, plus TOM is really bad today.  Some days are exceptionally bad for me…I don’t know if it is because I am 45 or what, but I just know they are getting worse and worse the older I get.

Ok…more later!  Thanks again to everyone that commented and suggested the names…here is another one I am considering….Figaro?  He was a kitten from pinochio…

Too tired right now to decide: )

And I need help naming him.

He was found in a trash can, in a pillow case, with his dead sibling that had been beaten…how could someone do that.

He is a snuggler, and purrer.  Doesn’t like to be alone at night…PLAYFUL!!!  Running around the house, knocking stuff down.  My Bichon is excited!  So happy to have a friend…(we used to have 2 cats and they both died in the last 3 years)

This is what he looks like…almost exactly.  I know I should get the camera out and take a pic…but after doing that video with all the pics…right now I am over it: )

So here is a couple I found online that looks almost exactly like him…

He has the black chin and the white.

This one really looks like him…but he has the white paws…like mittens.

This one looks like him, but no dot on the nose…

Ok…come up with some good ones…

so far I like, Mice-stro (husband said no: (

Rembrant (husband likes…ok for me)

Oreo…I really like this one…husband hates: (

There are others we have thought of…but wanted to see if you guys could help!

I am stronger now…and I can feel it.  Inside and physically too.

I have learned to ride the waves.  When the scale is going up and down…I can (patiently?) wait and trust that if I keep doing the stuff…the tide will go out again. 

I have accountability, structure education, and support with the researchers that are leading the study.  All important to my success.

My butt is tighter…seriously…not so much jiggle or wiggle in my wog.

I am hopeful again, especially about how I will look at Christmas.  Thanks to all my Happy New You Resolution for a Merrier Christmas Challengers!!!   They are making it fun and giving me joy for the journey!

I am more serious about taking care of me.  Realizing that I matter.  It matters what I eat, and why I am eating.

My legs are getting firmer and harder.  The other night I was lifting them in bed…checking them out and they are looking more like they did when I was a young lady: )

There is less of a muffin top…it is still there…but there is just less…5 inches or so.

Realized that I can jog for 9 mins straight, do a 5k and wog for 60. 

My face is less cushiony.   I can feel my jawbone and it am certain the chin is narrower.

It has become a want to, and not a have to.   The food no longer has control over me.

I have realized, that even though it will be a long journey…I will make it.   Slow and steady wins the race.

God wants this for me too…and He is encouraging me to do it!

I kinda knew this already, but I am still amazed by it…but realizing prayer still works…someone prayed for me about my weight right after I came on Buddy Slim.  It wasn’t the first time I ever got prayer…but this time I knew I was ready…and it was time.

I am a newbie, totally addicted to blogging, boosters…and my buddies!!!!

I have friends now, all over the world that understand and care.  They are in my corner, rooting for me, helping me…and letting me reach out a hand to them too.